i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
