That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
