he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
