glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
