the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
