You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
