we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I just want nice things and good sex
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
