please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Im part way to drunk.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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