whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Sorry about my life...
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
