uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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