so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
