..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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