last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
if only i could text you this smell
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
