you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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