nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
