what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
