you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I would fuck him just for his dog
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
