Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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