You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
