i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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