My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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