There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
