shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
