sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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