I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
