she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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