i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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