The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
