their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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