At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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