my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
