This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
