I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
