So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Your cock deserves a montage
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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