Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It's shark week go big or go home
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
