I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
