I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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