As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
