What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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