20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
