Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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