I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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