If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
