So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
