dude i'm inner monologue high
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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