Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
