I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
