I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
