yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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