Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
